I want to delete my Thoughts!!!!!! (case of OCD )
I want to delete my Thoughts!!!!!! (case of OCD )
24 years Girl
Cast taken on call (as she was from other city)
7th Nov 20
Her aunt explained before case taking; she is in depression since 2 months (September 20th), always talks about past, irrelevant, or some stories, and doing nothing. We all make her understand that it will pass. Her grandmother knows Homeopathy medicines. So the patient already took Arsenic, Kali ph., Avena s, and many other in the span of 2 months.
They visited psychiatric doctor and doctor suggested medicine for her acute OCD – which parents don’t wanted to continue as she become drowsy all day; so they discontinued that medicine within 8 days.
Doctor – yes tell me what is happening with you?
Patient – greeted to me (Namaste and after that 2/3 minutes gap doesn’t utter word).
Doctor – I asked her further ….hello, how are you tell me what is happening with you?
Patient – (Hasty speech)Yes, I am having lots of lots of negative thoughts, I am not in real world, if someone talking to me I don’t understand. I could not focused; its takes time to get me understood what actually they are talking about?
I am scared where I am living since many years but these things also feel like I don’t know where I live….I am continually under fright situations and I also don’t know why?
Doctor – please give example, what you are thinking?
Patient – …like I was watching movie and one guy holding red flowers and imagine it’s a blood and I got scared with it, again I saw it properly and understood its simple red flowers like this I took many things wrongs and I have to understand it ….
Few days back our neighbours met me in a lift; neighbours whom I know since many years, but I was looking at her and her face changed (horror face) and I got scared; what is happening with me like even in our balcony in noon times I see strange things but then I realise they were trees and other buildings, …and such things happening many times in a day. I am not able to express you what I feel, what I imagine. I am just scared because of all these thing.
Then I sit and it takes 3- 4 hours to delete all thoughts. If I don’t delete it, I don’t eat, and just sit in one place or randomly walk in the house ……
Doctor – what does ‘Delete’ mean? How could you delete?
Patient – it means I say cancel, cancel, for all my imaginations and thinking one by one and apologies to god with it. After that I felt very guilty, that how could I imagine such things? I have to delete all my thoughts until it’s not done I become restless. This is a daily ritual for me now…I want to delete all my thoughts. My grandmother and mother keep sayings to me don’t do it, It will pass… but I become very restless. It’s very important for me to delete all such things.
Doctor – How did it start?
Patient – I don’t know why and how it started, but slowly it became a habit. Earlier, I was a normal girl, did my study and preparing for interviews; even I passed my exams with good grades. I wanted to become professor but because of lockdown (covid) everything get postponed, …but I was not worried for my job or work or anything, I was doing help in the house; but now I just sit in one place and delete my thoughts,
Doctor – how could you delete? Is it any slate or text that you can delete?
Patient – yes doctor, they never go anywhere, unless I say delete to each of my thoughts I become restless …I feel something bad will happen to me or my family.
Like yesterday my mother says, she forgot to give ‘tiffin’ to my father … and he left … and I heard that he passed away … such things I have to delete…I apologies to god please forgive me.
I am extremely restless ….walk in house like anything …mother says you will become crazy, sit in one place…
Doctor – I asked her if anything happened in her house or with anyone dear to her in the past months?
Patient – no, nothing happened. I am a pampered single child, my father is cool..mother is strict somehow…like I have to convince her for everything, if I have to hang out with my friends…but all these months we were in the house only…I just feel in am not in the real world …I am scared to think of it
Doctor – what you mean?
Like doctor, few days back someone called my it was wrong number …but I got scared with it …I imagine that he will punish me …I know it was wrong number, but still I had imagined it in other way …and after that I started to delete that thought..
I feel I did something wrong….
Is there any reason why this is happening with me?
Doctor – have you done anything wrong? That no one knows, please share with me? Will keep your secret don’t worry!
Patient – no doctor nothing happened, trust me … I don’t know, I was not like this before ….two months now passed and same things happening, everyone supports me, educates me. I am also trying to overcome from this …but don’t know, I just know that I have to delete all my imaginations whichever I imagine…
Grandmother says some black magic happened, but I don’t believe it doctor, you say this is not truth right, you know things.
Doctor –your aunty was saying you keep recalling old things?
Patient – not exactly doctor, it’s randomly, I remember my childhood house and things, but it’s all confusing …I relate everything to imaginations like I am not in the present …
Doctor – I asked her what she does the whole day. And how’s her sleep.
Patient – Trust me doctor I don’t do anything either. I just sit and imagine…or delete…or keep walking randomly hours and hours, at least with walking I get some relief from thoughts…or I just keep deleting my thoughts …I try to understand what my friends are saying in chatting ,…but before I can understand, my mind imagines something else ….
Doctor – How were you in your early days? Before all this things?
Patient – I was like calm, don’t have so many friends, eat little.. you can say underweight..but cowardice by nature since my childhood, but I am like extreme person, happy then very much happy, or if feet sad than many hours in gloom …but I was normal, I guess this is something different !!!!!
You know Doctor, I feel everything is strange, untruth, unreal, please help me to get out from all this.
Medicine – Cannabis Indica 30
In a span of two months, the patient became absolutely normal, no imaginations, no fear. Doing regular household work and further preparations for job interviews.
Rubrics selections –
[Complete] [Mind] Fear: Things, of real and unreal
[Complete] [Mind] Theorizing:
[Complete] [Mind] Delusions, imaginations: Strange: Familiar things are:
[Complete] [Mind] Delusions, imaginations: Strange: Objects are:
[Complete] [Mind] Talk, talking, talks: Nothing but: One subject:
[Complete] [Mind] Heedless, careless: All around, of:
[Complete] [Mind] Fear: Self-control, losing:
[Complete] [Mind] Fear: Imaginary things:
[Complete] [Mind] Fancies: Absorbed in:
[Complete] [Mind] Express oneself: Impossible:
[Complete] [Mind] Delusions, imaginations: Pursued, of being:
[Complete] [Mind] Concentration: Impossible: Reading, from: More than one subject at a time, on:
[Complete] [Mind] Anxiety: Health, about: Reassuring difficult:
[Complete] [Mind] Anxiety: Walking: Amel.
[Complete] [Mind] Absorbed, buried in thought: Closed eyes, with:
[Complete] [Mind] Absorbed, buried in thought
[Complete] [Mind] Thoughts: Persistent: Past, of the:
Key notes – Conception of time, space and place is gone.
– He seems to be transported through space. He seems to have two existences, or to be conscious of two states, or to exist in two spheres.
– Is lost in delicious thought, imagines he hears music noises.
– Constantly theorizing.
– Anxious depression; constant fear of becoming insane.
– Mania must constantly move.
– Emotional excitement; rapid change of mood.
– Cannot realize her identity.
– Horror of darkness.
– Extreme psychic mobility thinks everything is unreal.
– Ideas crowd upon each other with extreme rapidity so that time seems infinite, space immense.
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