A HIV positive patient came with the chief complaint of bleeding hemorrhoids piles. He was operated once for his hemorrhoids 3 years back and it has recurred. He also has male pattern baldness and is concerned about his receding hairline. He is by sexual orientation homosexual.
D: How is this bothering you?
P: I will tell you, I am Gay. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend. It is giving me a lot of stress. I eat well. Fruits, almonds, water intake is good…gym, medicines. I don’t know how this is problematic. I don’t know why the piles are recurring. When you become seropositive, your stress level increases a lot. May be that is affecting me. I know you must be feeling awkward, what is he saying, but if I don’t tell doctor, who else will I tell.
D: Tell more
P: What more, sleep is good. I stay with my granny. I take her tension and she takes my tension nothing else, job is no tension.
D: Stress-talk more
P: that’s it
D: how is it bothering you
P: I feel like crying. I want to stop…(HG – Hand Gesture). Sometimes I don’t sleep. I feel restless in the night (raat main bechaini) (HG)
I want to run away..far away..I don’t want anything. I want to be alone. I don’t want tension (HG)
P: I just want this to stop. I don’t want to stop here…either life must end, or stress must end. One of these two must end.
D: what is the experience of being in stress
P: As if a big mountain has fallen upon you (koi pahad jaisa tut pada hai)..life is smooth and this is barrier…I can’t do what I want.
D: Talk about this barrier
P: like I am hyper…then I become quiet.
D: bring it to the now..Experience it in this moment.
P: I want to end my life, that will be easy..
D: what do you feel that time
P: I feel lazy and I don’t eat…I don’t keep attention in anything, don’t feel like going anywhere. Then I feel…close friends..I just want to meet them
D: Talk more about this stress
P: pain in back, stiffness, body heavy (HG)
D: stiffness, heaviness?
P: I feel exhausted (HG) … somebody will hold my hand and say I will be there forever…take my stiffness away.
D: describe only the words- stiffness, heaviness
P: Each muscle of my body becomes stiff (kadak kadak). I want to hurt myself, as you can see. He shows several cuts on his hands of self-harm. There is heaviness on brain (HG). Why is this only with me, why not with others. Like it’s burden…
It’s like, too much. All the burden is befallen upon me. Too much heavy (HG)
P: Body parts- there are cramps, stiffness, hard.
D: cramps, hardness?
P: I feel like hitting myself, cut parts of my body.
P: Then I do gym for stress, I feel better. I don’t think it helps.
D: What happens in that moment
P: When I cut myself, I will be relaxed
D: talk more about this, you are doing very good.
P: After that I will be relaxed.
D: When you are not relaxed, how does that feel?
P: I will shout at friends, granny. TIRED, pain in the body..back..I feel acidity..It is as if someone has inserted a pins in my body. Only in one area…on the back
P: As if ants biting. As if pricking. I become hyper and I start sweating..
P: When I am very angry, then I start shouting, I am sweating a lot.
P: I want to shout, brain will blast. Relaxation when I see my own blood, I feel happy. Like sometimes, I feel happy. People fear injection. I feel happiness.
D: what happens
P: I feel relaxed, and good, happy. I recently broke up with my partner. It was a very bad experience…almost we were in 3 years relationship. He said, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I was so hurt, atleast for 3-4 days I did not sleep. It kept coming in mind..eyes..I wanted to see him. But it did not happen, we fought a lot. That was stressful, for every little thing. I feel I am sorted. I don’t feel shy, I tell everything in my heart. Whatever I feel I will tell.
I will always tell…if you are okay then fine, I will go on my way and he on his way.
Then I cut myself…3 cuts. Now I don’t even want to see his face. I wanted to see his face, sort it out. I don’t think so it will happen ever. So I moved on. I just wanted it to stop.
D: what were the feelings?
P: I just want to be with him..if he is with me, I will be happy. I wanted to spend my entire life with him, even like he doesn’t help me in money or other things. I am self-sufficient. I wanted him to be with me.
I was very hurt. I just want to slap him atleast once (smiles), I will be really relaxed and I will feel happy..
D: what else
P: nothing else…he cheated on me..it’s like it was very painful. I just wanted the pain to stop and end my life.
D: when someone cheats on you
P: I feel irritated, it keeps coming in mind…it affects my body…when I think a lot..then itching starts..
Eyebrows…I start plucking…then I feel relax..I JUST REMOVE THE HAIR..then I see it.
D: you don’t feel the pain
D: even when you cut yourself..
P: Like my own words..it’s like music, plucking, cutting…like..going out..somewhere far…be with friends who give positive energy…divert me to something else.
Like…happy feel hona..relaxed feel hona (HG)
D: what is that HG
P: I am trying to tell something…so like…when I have to communicate. Then I am able to make him or her understand.
D: Tell me about your nature?
P: I am very much calm. When I get hyper…I get hyper at extreme level…things break, I have broken TV, fridge, cupboard…these kind of things. Then I feel relaxed/
D: What else about your nature?
P: If someone is nice with me, I am extremely nice with him. Even if he is fake. But if someone is bad with me, if he is dying, I will not even give water. I will take away the water from his hands. Because I am good, why is he doing over. If the opposite person is fake, then I am angry. I will ignore him. I don’t want to face him. If I see him on the road, I will change my path.
D: What happens if you go on that road
P: Insulted, something lacking in me. Then I will hurt myself, so might as well do something different. Maybe I was looking good, now I am not. Then I will try to become better, now I don’t want him. That is my revenge.
D: I don’t understand
P: Someone hits or anything for revenge. For me, I want to make myself better. Then the opposite person wants you. Revenge is when I desired him, now he desires me and I wont be available.
D: what is happening to you in anger
P: I start shouting (HG)..clenching. When it breaks then I feel relax.
Fight..when I hit..when it breaks..shattered…now I feel relaxed..
D: before that how are you feeling
P: Anger is on high peak. Blood flow has increased under the eyes, heat increases…I start shivering..i become tight.
P: HG…Holds on tightly suddenly.
P: Then I feel, next step will be bad…then I cut myself, break things and I feel relax..
P: I like various kinds of music. I feel relaxed, then I divert my mind. Gym, skipping ropes.. It makes me feel happy (starts laughing)
When I skip….Its like stress is going..relax. I feel happy. I start feeling positive energy.
D: What are the qualities of skipping?
P: song..dance..relate..body goes up and down. Jumping.
Jumping I like..even like hug, I I hold the person tight and then jump.
My dance movements are also jumping types.
D: Any analogy to yourself?
P: Tree. I am a stubborn type. To be in one place, I am also very stubborn. When I cut myself, I don’t change my expression. I am still. When I get hurt I get angry, internally I do so many things…Granny will know but outsiders will not know.
D: Why like this?
P: They will take advantage, then why to tell people, they will think I am weak and take more advantage..
D: Any dreams?
P: (smiles). I am flying on the clouds. I am going out. Hill station…with friends…I am roaming..
Sometimes scary…my whole body is burnt, skin is peeling out. Someone is leaving me and going.
I laugh in sleep..when bad dreams…sweating..startled..
D: Scary dreams, feeling
P: I take care of my body after becoming seropositive..I got it from my then boyfriend, because I was trusting him a lot. Now I take care of my body…I don’t want it to go bad, my shape, my skin. I don’t want to grow fat, or have rashes on my skin. I am very scared. I don’t want anything to go bad with my body.
P: Of becoming old, like I am alone, no companion. I am lonely (tanha tanha) ..no friends..i feel. Right now I am beautiful (khoobsurat), after that goes away, no one will ask for me. I don’t want to live till 60-70 years.
D: How are you with animals?
P: I love dogs…I fear cockroaches. I am really scared. When I was child, my granny she would put cockroach in my shirt.I would scream seeing cockroach. I am not scared of rats..but cockroaches
I want to pet them..their age is less, something will happen to him..it will be very hurt. When I was young…there was a puppy..I would love him a lot..milk, biscuit etc. Some people would throw stones at him and he got killed. I was sitting with the dead dog for many hours. They killed my baby. Maybe because of that, I am attracted to them.
I cuddle them.
Cravings: Sour, Sea food.
Stools: Like it is not clean, I don’t feel relaxed or clean. I have to go 3-4 times. There is no pain..swelling has come which is increasing…
Hair: Scalp is dry and itching. Sticky dandruff.
He has a tattoo – an Egyptian tattoo- eye of horus..for good luck sign.. Also of reindeers..I am very fascinated. Its attractive.
The key themes in the case are:
Cut mutilate desire to.
There is a lot of aggressiveness with issues of me vs you are pointing us to Animal Kingdom.
Restlessness, speed and deceit are the main themes in the case. This narrows it down to suborder Arachnids & Insects.
However, since patient’s main pattern is of threatening, tricking and imitation it points us to Arachnids as against Insects who are more impulsive and instinctive in nature. There are themes of Adolescence and FREEDOM, of ROMANCE as well indicating a spider remedy.
Also, music, dance, jumping, fear of narrow places are important themes of Spiders.
Tarentula Hispanica 1 M one dose was prescribed in infrequent doses throughout the 6 months treatment duration.
The patient did extremely well. His self-harm and anger attacks reduced tremendously. His piles- pain and bleeding also reduced and he was very happy with his overall progress.
Observations & Notes by the authors:
In the period of only two decades, there has been dramatic emergence of public and scientific awareness of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) lives and issues. This awareness can be traced to larger sociocultural shifts in understandings of sexual and gender identities, including the emergence of the “gay rights” movement in the 1970s and the advent of HIV/AIDS in the 1980s. The consensus of scientific research and clinical literature demonstrate that same-sex attractions, feelings, and behaviors are normal and positive variations of human sexuality. Homosexuality is no longer classified as a mental illness by National Institute of Mental Health, American Psychiatric Association, WHO etc.
Yet the first public and research attention to young LGBTs focused explicitly on mental health: A small number of studies in the 1980s began to identify concerning rates of reported suicidal behavior among “gay” youth.
I am privileged to have some friends from the LGBT community, and they are very dear to my heart. Through one of them I have been fortunate enough to meet and attend some of the LGBT gatherings. I was fortunate to witness the Brazilian Pride Parade in 2018 which is one of the largest pride marches in the world. And the colors, the extravaganza, the boldness, the love is beyond words.
At one of the LGBT gatherings a friend’s friend said “We are all gay while we are here! With blushing faces & bright outfits but when we go back to our homes, we are some of the loneliest creatures on this planet” And this remark pierced my heart and I started observing the LGBT community around me behind their gay veils. I started studying the individuals I met and making mental notes on the personality traits and seeing any trends.
During the past few years I also had some patients from the LGBT community seeking homeopathy. I studied three cases from our homeopathic practice and studyied them to see if there are any common threads and what is the role of homeopathy in the mental health of the Queer.
All the three cases were struggling with issues:
Love, companionship, acceptability, Romance, Sex
Anger & self-harm or harm to someone else was also very prominent in all the three cases.
Feeling restricted in some way and wanting freedom
In all the three cases above, it is observed a missing or an abusive parent figure.
Most of these issues can be seen during the ADOLOSCENCE phase of life. We can possibly conclude that somehow the Queer individuals fall into a state of imbalance when they get stuck in the Adolescence stage of development. This is the time of major transition in life, a new phase and sexual spurge.
From a Homeopathic perspective all the three cases were prescribed and did very well with
Animal kingdom remedies
Invertebrate remedies from Spiders & Insect family.
From Dr. Mahesh Gandhi’s PEM method, the issues were in the development stage of Adolescence.